I still aspire to be

An actress.

A lot of people dont know this about me. I am a thespian. At least used to be one in every essence of the word. Back in middle school through early high school I did many things involving performing arts. I was in plays at the Oskar Schindler Performing Arts Center, the New Jersey Performing Arts Center, and was even apart of OneSource Talent Management company (money wasted). I did little things for my school, went to overnight performing art conferences, and practiced a lot on my own. That dream quickly died as I had to focus more on school and getting the grades to make it into college.

This is not a sob story…

I love acting. I love studying a script in the mirror for hours thinking of ways to say one line, and realizing the 10 different ways to say this line are viable – but needing to find the one that works for me. I like being the center of attention, not for what I say, but because my body language, and facial expressions speak to an audience something more powerful than my words. I love having people hang on to my every word, as if it is being spoken for the first time. Not knowing it has been months of preparation that allows me to (ever so flawlessly) act out a scene.

The stage was always fun, but over the years I found myself wanting to be on TV. By popular acclaim (from my friends) my exuberant personality should have its own show. But over the years that has dulled to a certain extent. I still have it budding in me, but flipping the pages of textbooks has forced me to live a close to monotone life. Whereas I was a spunky, outgoing, embarrass-myself-for-the-fun-of-it, say-things-that-people-ask-WTF-to, cross-lines-and-bow-out-with-a-smile type of girl that has changed. I am more like a spunky, outgoing, speak-at-the-right-time, dont-say-that-to-him/her-because-it-may-hurt-there-feelings, people-watching, head-in-planner-following-a-daily-routine type of girl. My life has lost its pizzazz.

I understand the point of a degree, but sometimes I feel like I have better things to do. And now as I watch kids from my town live there dreams, with or without college, I wonder if it is all worth it. Of course I know the career I aspire to conquer (PR), but should I let that overshadow my talents. I find myself wanting to be that down-on-my-luck (OK the dashes are getting RIDIC) waitress waiting on her next audition, spending her last dime before the next check to drive her across town to that audition that may make, or break her. A struggle, I am close to living now being a broke college student, but THIS is all for a degree. THAT is all for a dream. I dont know, one of them to me seems greater. Guess which…

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2 comments

  1. Zainab Imichi Alhassan · March 11, 2013

    If you really want to be an actress you should go for it. I am not in the best position to offer advice but one thing I know is that your dream will always follow you even if you try to leave it behind, if you keep on ignoring it you will open yourself up to a lot of regrets and disappointment. goodluck. x

    • Chidere Nicolette · March 12, 2013

      Just saw this now! Thank you so much. This really put a smile on my face and you are absolutely right!
      Thanks for following!

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