I have not felt as defeated as I did this weekend in so long. It was a mix of heartbreak and anger that put in me in a lethargic mood. It was so bad, that I am happy that it happened during the weekend. Who knows what would have happened if it was during one of my busy weeks. Anyway, thanks to a beautiful Sunday in church, I am feeling a lot better now.
We are all human, and we all have those times when our worlds coming crashing down around us. When all there is left to do is get into a fetal position and cry in the darkness of your room. There is no talking about it, because the process of trying to transfer your feelings into words breaks you down every time.
There is a mutltitude of things you can spend your time doing to get over this hump. Some choose to eat, but I do not recommend this because it might leave you at the bottom of another hump to get over. Others choose to exercise, which is a great way to release anger and use your energy positively. Sometimes I like to write poetry or prose in my journal. I do this when any emotions I am feeling are to overwhelming to just feel. I have to write them down in order for them to make sense. Now, some of what I write can be profound, and sometimes I’ll just write a few words that are engraved into the pages of my journal because I was feeling so much in that moment. Either way, it’s calming just to get out of your own head, and release into something if there is no one else there.
This time was different. I did not feel like writing or talking, and I actually deleted my top 4 favorite social networks (Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, Facebook) because I did not feel like socializing. What it took for me to get over this hump was remembering the people I had that supported me. I walked alone to church today, and at the end I was leaving to walk back home when I saw my mother and baby sister sitting at the back. Church is always inspiring but nothing felt better than seeing them there (not only because i didnt have to walk home).
This really made me think of all the other people in my life that I do not see every day that have my back. Maybe they’re not sitting behind me in church, but they are their asking me how school is going. They are they’re wishing me luck over snapchat. They are there offering words of encouragement when other parts of my life are falling apart. Today, a friend told me I was an inspiration just because I posted workout snaps on my Snapchat. At church, my uncle told me to get my Ph.D and said to call him if I needed any help (but I think I’ll stop at my Masters). My aunt apologized for missing my graduation bbq this summer, but I told her she had one more chance once I graduate from Montclair State University, and she was ecstatic. All this really had me thinking about the people who are in my network of supporters. My very own cheerleaders who want the absolute best for me.
Life’s not perfect, and I know I have a few more breakdowns ahead of me. BUT When i look back at my support system, I know there will always be someone there to keep me moving forward.